Be Extra Patient
Accepting infertility is never easy and when it is about male infertility it is even more difficult. As a wife, you must understand and be really patient. There will be times when he would just get angry or ignore you but remember those are his coping mechanisms. Give him time to come around.
In our male-dominated society, whenever, a couple fails to conceive, fingers are always pointed at the woman. Your husband also belongs to the same society, and therefore, it is obvious for him to get angry when he comes to know that the problem is with him. But his anger, sadness, and any other negative emotions are not because of you but because he is hurt. After all, he is also suffering from the same mentality that measures the manhood on the scale of sperm count.
Be Sensitive When You Discuss Sperm donation
Sperm donor IVF is a good and doable option for conception in male infertility cases. Remember, even your doctors have asked you to give it a thought. Don’t jump the gun. First, give him time to accept and reconcile. Then make him feel loved and respected and then talk to him about the big decision. Take help of a trained counsellor, if required. After all, you want to have a baby and deal with your husband’s infertility, but, don’t want to lose him, right?
Don’t Force Your Husband to Be Vocal About His Feelings
Stop asking him to vent out his feelings. Women cry, men don’t. They either express through anger and in extreme cases by getting drunk.
Usually, men are not very good when it comes to expressing their emotions. But just because your husband is not venting out his emotions, it doesn’t mean he is not hurt. Though, you should encourage your husband to share his feelings with you, never pressurize him to do so. Be gentle and avoid any unnecessary confrontations.
Don’t Let Desperation Spoil Your Relationship
It is natural for you to feel desperate and lost. And, in that desperation to have a baby you rush towards Churches, Temples, Mosques, fastings and what all. This can make your husband more insecure. Though, he may look all strong and angry from the outside, in reality he may be lonely and sad.
Your grieving husband might not be ready to go through these procedures right away and unintentionally, you might add to his woes by pushing such steps. Discuss your thoughts with your husband, the rational ones.
Keep It Together
Trust me; it is not going to be easy. Be prepared to try several times over. And, that’s the least you can do given that male infertility is a big taboo in society and a big blow to a man’s concept of manhood. Also, remember not to quit. Keep trying. It is going to be difficult. But keep trying multiple options and you will eventually succeed. Remember, he loves you too and wants to have a baby.
Don’t Discuss Your Husband’s Infertility Issues with Others
A lot of women use this as a punching bag. They will threaten the husband to tell his family that the problem is with him and not with her. Or, they will just use this as an excuse to win a normal fight between husband and wife. STOP, if you are even unconsciously doing this.
You might want to tell your family or friends what you are going through so that they stop pestering you with ‘baby’ questions. But it can adversely impact your husband who may not be comfortable in broadcasting his issues. Those questions which made you cry could also pierce his heart! Remember he is a human too…
Article courtesy: Infertility Dost www.infertilitydost.com